A Christmas away from Home...

I was in deep slumber when I heard a shrill sound (No, it wasn't the jingle of the bells on Christmas Day but my hand phone ringing). My best friend called me up to remind me of tonight's itinerary. It's Christmas Eve.

I hurriedly went out to do my last minute shopping. We are celebrating tonight at another friend's house along with other fellow Filipinos who wants to enjoy Christmas in the atmosphere that we are used to, inside a Home. It has been a first to most of us gathered there to spend Christmas away from our family. There was a mixture of sadness, melancholy, anticipation and excitement.

"on the street at the strike of midnight"

By 11pm we went to attend mass at the nearby church which ended us on the street by the stroke of midnight. We haven't even realized it was already Christmas until we glanced at our watch. The street was pretty quiet. There were no lights that illuminate from inside of houses.
Where are the people? I guess, they were either asleep or outside partying.

I got an SMS greeting from my Singaporean friend so I asked her how she is spending her Christmas Eve. To my surprise, she replied, "We don't celebrate Christmas." That made me clearly realize that I'm not in the Philippines. And as I watch my friends talking on the phone with misty eyes, I can't help but wish I was back home. I miss the hustle of cooking the Christmas feast, the excitement of everyone in opening their gifts, the blinking of Christmas lights everywhere, the constant playing of Christmas songs, and most of all the loud and beautiful display of fireworks that encompasses the night sky.

our humble feast...

We still celebrated Christmas with the traditional exchanging of gifts and a feast on the dinner table(albeit minus the lechon!) I guess, we have to make do with what we can and what we have but still there is no place like a Christmas at Home...

Postscript:

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Love's Complexities

Recently, I found myself surrounded by the overwhelming bittersweet effects of a grand emotion we call LOVE. Mind you, I am not directly involved in it.

It has already been an almost daily happening to find my friend in tears or in a state of zoning out from reality. I could somehow understand the inner turmoil that she is in now for I am not an amateur on this situation but seeing her going overboard and slowly destroying herself is too much for me to comprehend the logic in her actions. I do know we are only humans and thus are susceptible to weaknesses and mistakes. Based on my understanding of Love, it can be a person's weakness or another person's strength. It only depends on how you let it rule over you. I guess, my friend has made it the center of her life for when it came crashing down, she went with it.

For me, LOVE is neither good nor bad. It can be a strong motivational factor or a pillar to ones success if used properly. Many say that LOVE should be unconditional and infinite. Most say you should love with all of your heart to be able to grasp the happiness that it brings but does that mean you should love him more than your life? Does that mean you should pour all your capacity for loving on it? How do we know the right way of loving someone? If there is even a right way. When do we know that the emotion we perceive as love has unconsciously turned into poison that slowly eats up the soul of our being? I guess if you are not directly caught up in it, you might be able to spot the slight changes but for the person involved, it might take them a while or probably never. For when you are too occupied with the present and has the shadows of the past, you don't have time to look beyond (or some people just refuse to do so).

LOVE is like a double edged sword. It is bittersweet. It is Heaven and Hell. I can go on with all the adjectives but the bottom line is --- LOVE is inseparable to PAIN. If this is the case, the best we can do is to try to lessen the pain Love brings. How? It all depends on you. All of us have different ways of coping with pain.

Considering all these, I go by a principle. "LOVE UNSELFISHLY" then you will still be able to feel happiness amidst all the pain for in shedding our selfish nature will we be able to love more and appreciate the beauty it brings.

Postscript:

LOVE is too grand an emotion. It is too complex to decipher and understand thoroughly.

So, let us just welcome it, embrace it and feel it!

It's one of the things that makes us Human!

Cheers!

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Limbo

For more than a month now, I have spent my Friday and Saturday nights clubbing. I actually don't know why I keep on doing this when half of the time I'm not really having fun and I'm in no mood to "meet" people whose names I tend to forget the second after it was mentioned. I think it's a waste of money, time and a good pair of sandals!

Just now, I came from another clubbing spree with a few bucks lighter, a sore pair of feet and an alcohol-induced uncomfortable feeling but as I thought it over, if this can make my troubled and lonely friends vent out their frustrations in life and feel lighthearted afterwards, then I'm willing to go through the same boring pattern over and over again.

Every Friday and Saturday night is de javu. I's been like clockwork. At 9pm I begin to get ready. I'm out the door by 10 and inside the club by 10:30. I start my night by ordering a drink the minute I arrive. After a few round of drinks and drumming along the beat of the music, I start to dance (I guess, this is the only time of the night that I'm really enjoying... when I'm dancing!). This goes on until around 2am or when I think that my friend(s) had enough to drink. This would be my queue to drag them out and hit the door fast before they start pouring their hearts out in the middle of the crowded floor. More often than not, I get to lend them my shoulder and a pair of ears along with a packet of tissues.

I don't know why I'm surrounded with friends here who are laden with woes (It makes me miss more my carefree friends back in Cebu). I thought I was over the "relationship" problems when I decided to stay unattached. I guess, you can never really get rid of it completely. You are either in it or surrounded by it. Although I'm only a spectator this time but it still bugs me. Worse thing is I don't know what I can do to help. I guess, that is why even if I'm stuck with this useless way of spending the weekends, I will still continue to do so just to accompany my friends on the lowest point of their lives.

Sometimes, when I think about why I keep on turning down the prospect of a relationship is because of this. Seeing my friends so broken and down is enough to last me a decade.

I really hope that they are going to pull themselves out of this limbo fast before my body breaks down from the constant clubbing or worse yet become totally jaded on my views on love.

Postscript:

Hahay! LOVE. It's Heaven and Hell combined.

Sentosa Island, Singapore

We agreed to meet up at Vivocity at 11am. After having lunch at one of the many restaurants, we bought a ticket to cross Sentosa Island.

As soon as the train door opened, the sight took my breath away! Clear blue sparkling waters greeted my eyes. I hurriedly went down and ran towards the beach. Aahh... the feeling is just indescribable. They have grains of sand as fine as sugar and as white as cotton balls. The heat is scorching but no one gives a damn!

My friend Zai and Nasriah bellowed at me to come back for we need to try the Luge first before embarking on Beach hopping. So I dragged my heavy feet back to the hot pavement and queued up for the ride.

In order to ride the Luge, which is like a bump car ride back home, we need to take the Skyride that will take us up the hill so that we can start our drive downhill. As soon as the cable car started climbing up, my excitement grew. Below me is a soothing view of thick green trees and in front of me is a breathtaking view of the splendor of the island.

The drive downhill was adrenaline-pumping. Zai and I raced to the finish line. The feel of the wind whipping on my face was refreshing.

We started our trek to the next beach which has a lagoon. The girls decided to plop down under a coconut tree and took out our form of entertainment, playing cards, while the boys rushed to the shoreline and devoured every bikini-wearing gal within their sight.

When the boys came back after "touring", Emily and I organized a childhood play that we both love, "Patintero". Our foreign friends were able to get the hang of it easily and started laughing and panting in no time.

After catching my breath from the game. I went ahead and immersed myself in the beckoning sea. Pure bliss! It's been so long since I took a swim so for me this is heaven.

By 6pm we started heading to the station. We spent 2 more hours at the coffee shop below the station before finally boarding it to take us back to Vivocity. Then we took our dinner of KFC chicken at the deck of Vivocity Mall facing the island. Another round of picture taking took place and a couple more rounds of playing cards.

I finally arrived at the doorstep of my apartment at 10pm, all bone-weary tired and sticky. Great way to spend a Sunday!

Postscript:

Sentosa Island is a tourist destination and a must see here in Singapore!

Multicultural Night Out

from left to right: Mahesh(Sri Lanka), Lily(Indonesia), me(Philippines), Zai(Singapore), Su(Myanmar), & Haresh(India)

After a grueling week, my friends and I decided to unwind and visit the local bars. We met up at Clarke Quay. After walking around and checking out the best place to hang out, we sat down at a table outside of Le Noir bar and I began my night with ordering my favorite drink... Blue Frozen Margarita.

for me nothing beats a frozen margarita...

A duo of Caucasian origin started performing tricks right in front of where we are having fun. I gave them 10 minutes of my time and came to the conclusion that they were not that interesting. However, I give them credit for trying.

We went on to check another bar down Havelock Road named Connections. Lily, my Indonesian friend recommended this since she's a regular here. To my surprise, the regular band members are Filipinos and Bisaya to boot! We danced the night away. I made new friends, both Filipinos and foreigners. I even danced the Chacha with one of the vocalists.

mga bisdak sad!

Sad to say, the performance ended at 2:00am but I left the place with a smile and a promise to the regulars and staff that I'll be back.

It's nice to know that there is a place around here that makes me feel not so far away from home...

Batam Island, Indonesia

November 4, 7:45am, I found myself going to Harbourfront where I bought a ticket to Batam, Indonesia. It's a one day trip. After being cooped inside my pad for the whole day yesterday, I decided to get some fresh air and go to a place where I won't be able to see a lot of people with Chinese or Indian origin.

And indeed I got what I wanted! It was like stepping home. The people in Batam look like Filipinos.

"...where the town Mayor abides."

I arrived at 11:30 am, Indonesian time which was an hour behind Singapore. I then started walking without a specific direction in mind when I heard a voice (and no, it's not from God Himself) in a not too distant area booming over. I found out that it was from a temple or something to that extent (don't ask me the name or what religion it is for I have no idea! I tried asking some of the locals around the area but it seems I get blank stares or a response that is equivalent to alien talk).
So, I continued on and found myself in front of a mall (it's not that big though, kind of like Gaisano Mall in Cebu). I ended up buying a bag! To my sheer pleasure, I discovered that this place is not as expensive as Singapore and it's a good place to shop. (although my primary reason to come here was to take a breather, I just can't resist!) The main city in this area is Batam Center, there's another city named Nagoya where seafoods abound (Since I'm not fond with that menu and after knowing it's 20km from where I'm at, I decided to stay put.) I spent 1 1/2 hours in that mall named "Barata" before I started my way again, this time, towards a much larger establishment they call MegaMall-Batam Center.

I took my lunch at Bistro Godiva Coffee where to my amazement is an all-smoking area! (by the way, this one is located inside the mall itself. Made me remember the Philippine malls years ago.) After stuffing myself, I started walking around the shops. Souvenir items and accessories added to my purchased list. When the soles of my feet begin to hurt, I took a seat at the same restaurant/coffee shop where I had my lunch and got myself a Frappe to quench my thirst (their Frappe is good!). This is when I noticed that its supervisor is quite good-looking! (definitely my type and I bet Joeyboi, he's your type too!) Moments like this make me miss my dear friends more. It seems that checking out guys is not as fun as they were around (nevertheless, their absence didn't stop my wandering eyes. hehehe. Who can blame me? I'm unattached anyway! Besides, why am I defending myself??) Oh well, it took me 30 minutes to forget the presence of Mr. Good-looking and started to enjoy my drink and my Marlboro. It was already 3:30pm when I left that place. (sorry Joey I was not able to get his name or number but I was able to get a few seconds eye contact with him before I stood up and made my grand exit. hehe)

I took a last walk around the area before heading home. One thing I learned about this place is that the locals are quite friendly, a far cry from Singaporeans. They easily give out a smile and even if their English vocabulary is limited, they never fail to try. Another thing I noted while walking the streets is that these people easily offer a ride. I got offered more than ten times and one was even from a policeman in a police car! (I politely declined to all though since I don't even know where I'm going!) I ended my wanderings at 4:00pm Indo time and said goodbye to the place.

Postscript

Overall, it was a nice experience. I'll probably come back and may be stay for at least a night with friends. Hope Mr. Good-looking would still be around! Hahahaha (What's wrong with me? I'm beginning to be like Joey! Supervisor??)

By the way Joeyboi, I found out as I checked information about this place online that more than half of the population are single! Good information, right? Interested? hahahaha

What Money Brings...

November 1, 1:47pm. I was walking down the road from Funan IT Mall where I just purchased a book that I have been postponing to buy for weeks now on my way to City Hall MRT when I passed by a store that has a sign that read, St. Andrew's Cathedral, You are welcome here. That didn't stop me from my tracks until I saw a huge poster inside the paneled glass that read "Money No Enough" (yup, that's exactly what it said!)


I started reading its content...and I found myself agreeing to the words. Let me share them with you. I know this is not the first time we have heard or read about this but somehow it made me think about it again.

"Money No Enough"

Money can buy a House but not a Home.

Money can buy a Bed but not Sleep.

Money can buy Books but not Knowledge.

Money can buy a Position but not Respect.

Money can buy Medicine but not Health.

Money can buy Blood but not Life.

Money can buy Sex but not Love.

These thoughts made me re-think about my life and how I'm living it. It reminded me of what is really valuable in this existence. It made me reorganize my priorities and put more thought on the important things in life.

Somehow it made me appreciate the things I have now. It made me feel grateful for I realized I have in abundance the most priceless things on earth... a Home which my loving and supportive family has given me, quality Sleep that my current lifestyle made possible, Knowledge that the vast experiences and people around me have contributed, Respect that I tried so hard to achieve and was paid off, Health that the Almighty One has blessed me, Life that He graciously lent me, and Love that my family and friends have unconditionally showered me.

So you see, I am RICH!

And I will try my best to treasure and keep these riches as long as possible. I hope everyone can do the same.

*************************************************************************************

The second poster on the same shop that caught my eyes read " Money and Greed".


Have you ever stopped to think about the amount of energy we spend trying to get more money for that lifestyle we can't afford? Our desire for material wealth can overtake our life. It can become an addiction loading us with debt. Let us not feed greed!

This poster narrates the reasons why people want and will do whatever means to own the material things in this temporary world which they can hardly afford. Most people want it because other people have it. Some want it to establish or reestablish their position in society. This message reminds us not to be caught in the money trap but rather invest for eternity.

Matthew 6: 19-21

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

Job 1: 21

"Naked I came from my mother's womb,
and naked I will depart.
The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away;
may the name of the LORD be praised."

Postscript

Joey, I know this is not my usual style but whatever!

Tug of War

Right now, I don't feel good that's why I decided to write this.

For the past weeks, I only have my notebook to keep me company.

I'm sad. I feel blue. I'm homesick. I miss my family. I miss my friends. I miss my old room. I miss the familiar faces and places that surrounded me for years.

My day starts and ends like clockwork and the only thing that I look forward to everyday are the calls made and text messages sent by my family and friends back home. I don't know if it is a blessing or a curse. What is left of the ties to my old life is the one that somehow sustains my sanity and gives me strength to pull myself together and start the day but at the same time, it adds fuel to my restless thoughts and heavy heart.

Sometimes it gives me a smile, sometimes a frown, sometimes peals of laughter, and sometimes a flood of tears. Is it possible to be happy and sad at the same time? Or am I losing it? Hahay! Who says life is easy?



----------------------drowning in the river of my own thoughts...--------------------

Back in the Game...

" Cil, laag daw ta tonight ngon Mai kay day off niya.", goes a text from Joey.

I just arrived in Cebu after a 2 month hiatus in the Lion City, Singapore.

For the past year, Joey, Mai and I have been inseparable.

" Let's meet for dinner at Zao. Jim is inviting us. " , a follow-up text from Joey. Jim is a constant figure in most of our night-outs.

By 7pm I was dressed and ready to go out. I grabbed my purse and headed for my car. Took me 30 minutes to pick up Joey and another 5 minutes to reach Mai's place where Zao was conveniently located.

After a hearty meal and listening to some shocking updates, I received a text from Andrew, " I'm on my way to Grill Ave. See u there at 9 ". Another one from Lloyd followed, " Are u guys all together na? I'll be waiting for u at Grill Ave."

So, the troupe drove down to our favorite hang-out, Grill Ave where Lloyd's band is a regular, to start our night.

After consuming 3 bottles of Strong Ice, I whispered to Joey, "I'm getting bored". With a knowing smile, Joey informed the group that we will be transferring to his new-found haven, Autoshop.

"Now you're talking!", was Jim's excited response.

I glanced at Joey with a blank look. "It's a flesh market. That's also the place where I kissed a girl!", Joey offered without blinking.

"Oh!" was my only response to that.

And Autoshop we went. As soon as I stepped inside, I realized they were right! The place was jam packed with sweaty bodies gyrating to the beat. I haven't even reached our table when a guy comes in front of me and started to dance. I neatly sidestepped him and chased after Joey.

I love dancing. After finishing off the bottle of Red Horse, I joined the group on the dance floor.

Joey was busy checking out the guys around. Jim has his arms around a girl we don't know. Mai was busy texting her newest fling. Andrew was indulging himself on the bucket of booze left on our table.

"Cil, that guy's hot!"
"The one wearing white polo is cute."
"Do you think that guy is straight?"

These are the quips Joey threw at me.

"There's one way to find out dear if they're straight or not. If he looks at me then he's straight but if he looks at you then you got what you want." I answered with a smile.

Unfortunately, Joey didn't get his wish. So we decided to just be each others dancing partner for the night. I've got no problem with the set-up since I'm most happy when I'm dancing with my friends. Every time I go out, Joey has always been my buffer to unwanted attentions but this night was different.

I was dancing on the ledge when Joey grabbed my hand and pushed me to the nearest table.

"Cil, this is Allan.", introduced Joey with an innocent smile. " He's asking me if he can dance with you."

Caught off guard and with no escape since my bodyguard himself decided to abandon me with blessings(you know I'll always love you Joey even if you feed me to the lions), I exchanged pleasantries and danced with him for a couple of minutes. I then excused myself to return to our table to down another shot of alcohol. I pulled Joey aside and asked, " What did you do that for?"

"Besides that he's a cutie, he gentlemanly asked for my permission. Cil, you're only here for 2 weeks so just enjoy! Anyway, he's seems to be a nice guy and I haven't seen him dancing around." was his reasoning.

My fate that night was decided by Joey. With Allan's style of non-offensive persistence and Joey's matchmaking moods, I ended up dancing with him till dawn.

At 5 am we called it a night. Jim drove off without a new girl in tow. Mai left earlier to meet her new love interest. Andrew also left earlier with the excuse of "Something came up." And I dropped Joey home.

After dragging my inebriated self up to my room and threw myself on the bed, my cellphone beeped.

"Cil, text me when you're home. Welcome back! We missed you. luv u!", was from Joey.

"Hi, this is Allan. Ur great. Hope to see u soon.", was from my new found friend.

Postscript

That night I was back in the game and into Cebu's nightlife.
With my unattached friends, we partied non-stop.

They made sure my brief visit was never dull.

Looking forward to my next visit in 6 months...

Treasures...

I was at Centennial Airport in Manila waiting for my flight back to Cebu. The PA system just announced that my flight will be delayed for an hour (nothing to be surprised about with PAL). I fidgeted with my handphone and decided to text my dearest friends.

" Guys I'm back in Cebu in 2 hours. See you tonight! "

Before I even had the time to return my handphone back inside my bag, it beeped continuously.

" Hi dear! Welcome back! See u tonight. "
" Are you back for good? "
" I missed u sis! See u tonight. "

These are some of the messages I received. After reading all of them, the earlier irritation I felt for my delayed flight vanished. It's good to be home!

I was only away for 2 months but it felt like eternity. I'm always happy when I'm with my dearest friends. The friends who have been with me in my pursuit of happiness and most especially the friends who grabbed my hand every time I fall down Happiness road.

These friends know the real me and have accepted the quirkiness in me from my mood swings to my weird tastes. They never asked for explanations nor bothered to tell me otherwise for they know who I am and how I think. They just silently stayed by my side encouraging me when I'm doing well or helping me pick up the pieces of the mess I've made.

They know the story of my life and holds a big part of my memory chest.


Lambz. The best thing that happened to me in 2003. The person who has been with me when I was on my utmost down. The person who knows with one glance if I needed a drink. The kind of brother that I never had. The friend I can rely on 24 hours a day. The first person I gave my complete trust. The best friend that I will love forever. Bro, thank you.


Joey. The person I'm most comfortable with. He brings out the elder sister in me. He never fails to make me smile even if I'm sad. I am always happy every time I see him. He's my devoted listener and companion. The one person that I can ask for advice without failing to give me the most intelligent one. The only person who knows what I want even before I knew it. The friend whose opinion I value most. Joey dear, I love you always!


Mailene. The woman who taught me a lot of things. The friend who is with joey and me during our struggles. The only one who never fears of voicing out her opinion. A woman yet still a girl. A friend that never ceases to give us a good dose of reality. Even with her busy schedule, she never fails to show us how important we are to her. Mai, you always give the best encouragement! I love you sweetie.


I may consider myself an eternal wanderer but when I'm with them I'm at home....

Postscript

Guys, you are the ones keeping me sane. I can never thank you enough. Nevertheless, thank you for coming into my life. You are my treasures...

Self Evolution Through Love and Relationships

I was driving my way towards Ayala Cebu to drop off my dear friend, Joey, after spending a nice afternoon with him over mocha froccino at SM Bo's Coffee. Being deprived of the precious talks we always have for two months, we were immersed once again on our all-time favorite topic..... our Singleblessedness.

Nowadays, Joey and I have the same outlook on love and relationships. Although we don't close our doors to love coming our way, we already have a heart and mind toughened through time by continuous disappointments, heartaches, and failed relationships.

'Cille, I don't think we'll be able to find the person who can tame us.', he quipped.

I looked at him and realized, maybe he's right. We are two individuals who are too spirited and carefree. We were born with passion, grew up with a zest for life, and matured with the never ending experiences and discoveries about oneself

After he got off, I tried to look back at all the relationships I had as well as the failed attempts of a relationship.
My Journey on the Road of LOVE....

Guy Letter F [ Mr. Gary Estrada look a like ]
Christmas season of 1990

My first puppy love. He's the typical high schooler who sends love letters through common friends. We started seeing each other for three months. It ended when I had to choose between him and my childhood friends who don't approve of his religious preference. As naive and childish as I was back then, I chose to stay with my friends who has been with me for years.

Lesson learned: God gave me a brain to use and the ability to think for myself. Never choose between Love and Friendship; instead let both of it coexist in your life. We should be Responsible for our own choices.


Guy Letter D [ Mr. Dimples ]
August of 1993

My first serious relationship. I was a freshman in college. Most of the people around me are either in a relationship, going into one, or just got off from a relationship. He was the first guy who courted me with confidence. With his cheery disposition and disarming set of dimples, he made me say 'yes'. I was welcomed and loved by his family and he treated me with great care. From an exclusive girls high school to a coed college, I gained diverse friends for I am naturally friendly [my 2 best friends, Joey and Lambz can attest to that!]. I then caught glimpses of insecurities and a jealous nature in him. Over the course of our relationship, this became an issue to the point that he wants me to stop going to school. When I realized that the relationship has become a destructive one, I ended it with him. I never imagined that the break-up would cause him to attempt to end his life and landed him in a hospital for a month. I was saddened with what he had become. We ended on July 1997, after almost 4 years.

Lesson learned: Relationships are composed of 2 different individuals rowing on the same boat. You are supposed to be in harmony and be each others support. A relationship should help you grow in becoming a better person.
Love may be the reason for a relationship to start but Trust is the main ingredient for it to grow....

Guy Letter K [ Mr. Soccer Player from Iligan ]
August 1997

My first case of hidden secrets. I first met him at a mall where my friends and I are having fun at the bump car rides. Little did I know that our boarding houses are just within walking distance from each other. We started hanging out together and he confessed his feelings. I never officially said 'yes' although my actions speak my mutual attraction [ with his oozing sex appeal, Who can blame me?? ] until I found out that he has someone waiting for him back in his hometown. As abruptly as he appeared in my life, I disappeared from his. I stopped receiving his calls and moved out of my place. It lasted for a month.

Lesson learned: Honesty is needed for a relationship to start right.

Guy Letter E [ Mr. Sweet Guy from Butuan ]
Late September of 1997

My first boring relationship. I met him through his group of friends that my friends and I also recently met in one of our 'gimik' nights. Since he was the only good looking guy in his group and coupled with his sweetness, I accepted his feelings but as the days turned into weeks, I can't find myself in a state of being in love. We never argued and he never complained. He was always ready to assist me in whatever I need. I ended it at the end of October.

Lesson learned: Good looks and sweetness is not a guarantee for sparks to fly. Relationship needs Passion. Both parties should adjust and cater towards each other. It can never be only one sided for it to work.

Guy Letter M [ Mr. Rich and Powerful Guy from Ormoc ]
Halloween of 1997

My first taste of the cliche 'I can give up anything for Love'. I visited my mother's hometown in Ormoc with my family. I was dragged by my cousin to attend their annual Halloween party. On that same night I was invited to go on a date the following day. He was mild-mannered, straight to the point, and quite persistent. He chased me all the way back to Cebu. Gradually, I was moved by his sincerity and learned to reciprocate his feelings. For 5 months, he made the long distance relationship emotionally and physically less visible. After I finished my college subjects, he made me move to his city and supplied me with everything I need. He offered me a financially stable future and a secured love. I was never allowed to work and my whims were catered to at all times. He made sure I was treated well by his family and friends. He was always there by my side whether I need him or not. In return, I tried to be the ideal girlfriend. I changed my choice of clothes and I lessened my going out with friends. I was mostly satisfied with our relationship for a time. He is a devoted and loving partner. He placed me at a pedestal which unconsciously is also the downfall of our relationship.
I was treated like a princess with people following my every action and telling me how lucky I am but amidst the glitters lay an empty shell. I felt useless and no matter how much I try to tame my spirited nature, I still have the longing of self fulfillment and the desire to explore the life outside the castle he built around me. So, I went back to Cebu and pursue a postgraduate course. To my disbelief, he followed me and gave up his very comfortable and powerful world to stay by my side. I was moved but I also felt guilty. He is his father's only successor. No matter how hard I try, I can never fully fit in his world and he was born to stay in his world. I can never give him the kind of love he is giving me. So, I ended our relationship with determination despite his begging and tears and wished him from the bottom of my heart that he may find his true happiness someday and the right girl for him. Left with no option, he returned to his old life but with these great words he left me, 'Go and do what you think you have to do. I will wait for you no matter how long you'll take, no matter what happens in between...If you decide to return, I will always be willing to take you back.' but deep in my heart on that March of 2002 I know there's no going back.

Lesson learned: Wealth, Fame, Power, and being loved greatly is never a guarantee for ones Happiness. In a relationship, there are sacrifices to be made but if the sacrifice will end up with losing ones true self and dreams, it is better to let go than to continue living without a soul and a dream. Mutual happiness is relevant in a lasting relationship.

Guy Letter A [ Mr. Almost Perfect ]
Christmas season of 2003

My first Dreamlike relationship. A man of good physique and a boyishly handsome face that can always draw attention and most of the time can't help people from openly staring. He is not Filipino, He's Korean. Despite my biased opinion on a Filipino-Korean relationship, he convinced me to give it a shot. He tried his best to prove to me that we can last more than a couple of months. Communication was never a barrier for us for we were both good in English. Together we learned to adjust to each others lifestyle. I am an emotionally independent woman but he taught me that a burden shared by two is half less a burden. With him I learned to slowly open up my mind and my heart. He taught me the importance of openness between lovers and the power of communication in a relationship. We listened to each others dreams and woes. He taught me how to be sensitive towards my partners feelings. He taught me how to appreciate life. Although nobody is perfect but he was close to being one. He not only is a matured, responsible, understanding, thoughtful, loving, caring, sincere, faithful, and trustful partner but also a confident man who knows what he wants, a humble person with a kind heart, a good friend to others and a filial son. He taught me patience which helped a lot during the total of 12 months when we have to settle for the time being on a long-distance relationship. He invited me to plan our future together. We were then both happy with each other..... but sadly Fate intervened. Although he was willing to leave his homeland to build his future with me, I had to make the hardest decision which has a great impact on our relationship. When I knew that he was offered a great job opportunity and a bright future in his own country plus the fact that his mother is ill with the big C, I really don't have the heart to tear him away from them. Although he offered me another option of staying in his country instead, I knew that the culture difference is too great and that Korean society has never really fully accepted mixed race relationships yet. It will eventually become a great burden for both of us to bear and a continuous struggle not only to us but to our children as well. So, on April of 2006, a month after I convinced him to accept the good job offered, I bid farewell and ended our relationship. Although our feelings for each other never changed until the last day of our relationship, we were still able to let go because we understand each other very well and are attuned to each others feelings and we let Fate lead us to where we are destined to be but we left each other this parting thought, 'If you are my Soulmate, Destiny will find its way...'

Lesson learned: Even if both of you worked really hard for your relationship and there was never any big problem between the two of you that you can't work it out, sometimes there are things that are not meant for you to have leaving us to surrender ourselves to FATE....

After my journey back through time, I realized with a smile and a sense of gratefulness the vast experiences I had in Love and Relationships. There was never a second in my life that I regretted meeting them or sharing a part of my life with them for because of them and what they have taught me, I am the person I am today. A strong person open to any type of possibilities, a person who knows how to find joy in simple things and a person who can still find happiness in unconventional ways.

So, Joey, if what you said may come true, I know we are strong enough to accept that possibility. I know we can still find joy in a simple life devoid of emotional responsibilities and most of all, I know we can still find happiness in our SINGLEBLESSEDNESS.

Postscript

Guy Letter F - current age is 31. Last I heard, he moved to another city and settled there.

Guy Letter D - current age is 33. Last I heard, he is in Manila pursuing his future.

Guy Letter K - current age is 28. Last I heard, he is still with his childhood sweetheart.

Guy Letter E - current age 29. Last I heard, he migrated to Australia and got married.

Guy Letter M - current age 30. Last I heard, after more than 3 years of waiting he finally moved on with his life when he saw me in the hands of a better man.

Guy Letter A - current age is 28. Last I heard he is enjoying in his work and his mom is undergoing treatment with big hopes.

An Unforgettable SEVENTEEN

August 31, a usual day during my vacation in Singapore, I was cooped up in front of my notebook browsing the web and reading through my mails and messages. When I got to check my 'Friendster' account, I read a message from someone asking about a phrase i placed under my profile. A few seconds after I wondered the identity of the sender, my face lit up with a smile and instead of clicking the 'Delete' button, I clicked 'Reply' From that short question two individuals located in different parts of the world were brought together to build a mutual understanding.

Because of the time difference, we were not able to go online and log in at the same time, so for a couple of days we just resorted to leaving a few greetings and remarks on our Yahoo Messenger. Then luck was handed to us for after SEVENTEEN days, we connected... and the connection was instantaneous! For our first day, we chatted for a few hours but I had to cut it regrettably due to an appointment. We then left with a promise to chat again and a way for me to reach him anytime as soon as I go online.

At 7am Hawaiian time the following day, I sat in front of my Macbook and our second day began. We talked about everything that comes to mind. We shared each others life stories, the heartbreaking as well as the exciting ones. He talked about his career, his business, and his passion.

I talked about my friends, my failures, and my contradicting personality. We exchanged information on what we like and what we don't like and to our sheer pleasure, we discovered we have a lot in common! He introduced 'Skype' to me(similar to YM but way, way much better in audio and video quality!), so then we were able to hear each other's voice for the first time! To my utter amazement, we stayed on the call for 3 amazing hours! (for a girl who does not do 'telebabad', this is a major feat! and my friends can attest to that, right joey?) He shared his experiences flying with Virgin Atlantic together with his longtime crew mates and I shared my experiences on international airline reservations. We compared views on Love, Courtship, and Marriage. I greatly enjoyed the witty remarks, laughter, and playful banter we throw at each other. Slowly, I discovered that I have met a softhearted, romantic, and somewhat persistent man who loves to give surprises! A man who would adamantly say that 'Happiness is a Choice', that 'Only people make things complicated', and that 'Everything is what makes marriage NOT complicated!' A man who would even dare to ask you to marry him on the spot on your first date!

"Till death do us part..."

Among all the good things he has shared with me, the ones that I will never forget and will always remind me of him are the beautiful songs he has given me. Songs that etched its way into my heart and touched my soul... 'Like a Rose', 'Rest of my Life', 'This I Swear', 'Biyahe'....(the first two being my most favorite and coincidentally his).

'Like a Rose'


'Like a rose', he showed me what sweetness is. Like 'Biyahe', we journeyed together on our newfound bond. A journey that was full of fun, laughter, understanding, and mutual sharing. Time passed by so quickly for us. It was so quick that we never even realized that we spent the whole day talking to only each other, blocking the people around us, immersed in our own world for An Unforgettable SEVENTEEN long wonderful hours.

Chris...We've made a Breakthrough!...We've made History!

Thank You...