Self Evolution Through Love and Relationships

I was driving my way towards Ayala Cebu to drop off my dear friend, Joey, after spending a nice afternoon with him over mocha froccino at SM Bo's Coffee. Being deprived of the precious talks we always have for two months, we were immersed once again on our all-time favorite topic..... our Singleblessedness.

Nowadays, Joey and I have the same outlook on love and relationships. Although we don't close our doors to love coming our way, we already have a heart and mind toughened through time by continuous disappointments, heartaches, and failed relationships.

'Cille, I don't think we'll be able to find the person who can tame us.', he quipped.

I looked at him and realized, maybe he's right. We are two individuals who are too spirited and carefree. We were born with passion, grew up with a zest for life, and matured with the never ending experiences and discoveries about oneself

After he got off, I tried to look back at all the relationships I had as well as the failed attempts of a relationship.
My Journey on the Road of LOVE....

Guy Letter F [ Mr. Gary Estrada look a like ]
Christmas season of 1990

My first puppy love. He's the typical high schooler who sends love letters through common friends. We started seeing each other for three months. It ended when I had to choose between him and my childhood friends who don't approve of his religious preference. As naive and childish as I was back then, I chose to stay with my friends who has been with me for years.

Lesson learned: God gave me a brain to use and the ability to think for myself. Never choose between Love and Friendship; instead let both of it coexist in your life. We should be Responsible for our own choices.


Guy Letter D [ Mr. Dimples ]
August of 1993

My first serious relationship. I was a freshman in college. Most of the people around me are either in a relationship, going into one, or just got off from a relationship. He was the first guy who courted me with confidence. With his cheery disposition and disarming set of dimples, he made me say 'yes'. I was welcomed and loved by his family and he treated me with great care. From an exclusive girls high school to a coed college, I gained diverse friends for I am naturally friendly [my 2 best friends, Joey and Lambz can attest to that!]. I then caught glimpses of insecurities and a jealous nature in him. Over the course of our relationship, this became an issue to the point that he wants me to stop going to school. When I realized that the relationship has become a destructive one, I ended it with him. I never imagined that the break-up would cause him to attempt to end his life and landed him in a hospital for a month. I was saddened with what he had become. We ended on July 1997, after almost 4 years.

Lesson learned: Relationships are composed of 2 different individuals rowing on the same boat. You are supposed to be in harmony and be each others support. A relationship should help you grow in becoming a better person.
Love may be the reason for a relationship to start but Trust is the main ingredient for it to grow....

Guy Letter K [ Mr. Soccer Player from Iligan ]
August 1997

My first case of hidden secrets. I first met him at a mall where my friends and I are having fun at the bump car rides. Little did I know that our boarding houses are just within walking distance from each other. We started hanging out together and he confessed his feelings. I never officially said 'yes' although my actions speak my mutual attraction [ with his oozing sex appeal, Who can blame me?? ] until I found out that he has someone waiting for him back in his hometown. As abruptly as he appeared in my life, I disappeared from his. I stopped receiving his calls and moved out of my place. It lasted for a month.

Lesson learned: Honesty is needed for a relationship to start right.

Guy Letter E [ Mr. Sweet Guy from Butuan ]
Late September of 1997

My first boring relationship. I met him through his group of friends that my friends and I also recently met in one of our 'gimik' nights. Since he was the only good looking guy in his group and coupled with his sweetness, I accepted his feelings but as the days turned into weeks, I can't find myself in a state of being in love. We never argued and he never complained. He was always ready to assist me in whatever I need. I ended it at the end of October.

Lesson learned: Good looks and sweetness is not a guarantee for sparks to fly. Relationship needs Passion. Both parties should adjust and cater towards each other. It can never be only one sided for it to work.

Guy Letter M [ Mr. Rich and Powerful Guy from Ormoc ]
Halloween of 1997

My first taste of the cliche 'I can give up anything for Love'. I visited my mother's hometown in Ormoc with my family. I was dragged by my cousin to attend their annual Halloween party. On that same night I was invited to go on a date the following day. He was mild-mannered, straight to the point, and quite persistent. He chased me all the way back to Cebu. Gradually, I was moved by his sincerity and learned to reciprocate his feelings. For 5 months, he made the long distance relationship emotionally and physically less visible. After I finished my college subjects, he made me move to his city and supplied me with everything I need. He offered me a financially stable future and a secured love. I was never allowed to work and my whims were catered to at all times. He made sure I was treated well by his family and friends. He was always there by my side whether I need him or not. In return, I tried to be the ideal girlfriend. I changed my choice of clothes and I lessened my going out with friends. I was mostly satisfied with our relationship for a time. He is a devoted and loving partner. He placed me at a pedestal which unconsciously is also the downfall of our relationship.
I was treated like a princess with people following my every action and telling me how lucky I am but amidst the glitters lay an empty shell. I felt useless and no matter how much I try to tame my spirited nature, I still have the longing of self fulfillment and the desire to explore the life outside the castle he built around me. So, I went back to Cebu and pursue a postgraduate course. To my disbelief, he followed me and gave up his very comfortable and powerful world to stay by my side. I was moved but I also felt guilty. He is his father's only successor. No matter how hard I try, I can never fully fit in his world and he was born to stay in his world. I can never give him the kind of love he is giving me. So, I ended our relationship with determination despite his begging and tears and wished him from the bottom of my heart that he may find his true happiness someday and the right girl for him. Left with no option, he returned to his old life but with these great words he left me, 'Go and do what you think you have to do. I will wait for you no matter how long you'll take, no matter what happens in between...If you decide to return, I will always be willing to take you back.' but deep in my heart on that March of 2002 I know there's no going back.

Lesson learned: Wealth, Fame, Power, and being loved greatly is never a guarantee for ones Happiness. In a relationship, there are sacrifices to be made but if the sacrifice will end up with losing ones true self and dreams, it is better to let go than to continue living without a soul and a dream. Mutual happiness is relevant in a lasting relationship.

Guy Letter A [ Mr. Almost Perfect ]
Christmas season of 2003

My first Dreamlike relationship. A man of good physique and a boyishly handsome face that can always draw attention and most of the time can't help people from openly staring. He is not Filipino, He's Korean. Despite my biased opinion on a Filipino-Korean relationship, he convinced me to give it a shot. He tried his best to prove to me that we can last more than a couple of months. Communication was never a barrier for us for we were both good in English. Together we learned to adjust to each others lifestyle. I am an emotionally independent woman but he taught me that a burden shared by two is half less a burden. With him I learned to slowly open up my mind and my heart. He taught me the importance of openness between lovers and the power of communication in a relationship. We listened to each others dreams and woes. He taught me how to be sensitive towards my partners feelings. He taught me how to appreciate life. Although nobody is perfect but he was close to being one. He not only is a matured, responsible, understanding, thoughtful, loving, caring, sincere, faithful, and trustful partner but also a confident man who knows what he wants, a humble person with a kind heart, a good friend to others and a filial son. He taught me patience which helped a lot during the total of 12 months when we have to settle for the time being on a long-distance relationship. He invited me to plan our future together. We were then both happy with each other..... but sadly Fate intervened. Although he was willing to leave his homeland to build his future with me, I had to make the hardest decision which has a great impact on our relationship. When I knew that he was offered a great job opportunity and a bright future in his own country plus the fact that his mother is ill with the big C, I really don't have the heart to tear him away from them. Although he offered me another option of staying in his country instead, I knew that the culture difference is too great and that Korean society has never really fully accepted mixed race relationships yet. It will eventually become a great burden for both of us to bear and a continuous struggle not only to us but to our children as well. So, on April of 2006, a month after I convinced him to accept the good job offered, I bid farewell and ended our relationship. Although our feelings for each other never changed until the last day of our relationship, we were still able to let go because we understand each other very well and are attuned to each others feelings and we let Fate lead us to where we are destined to be but we left each other this parting thought, 'If you are my Soulmate, Destiny will find its way...'

Lesson learned: Even if both of you worked really hard for your relationship and there was never any big problem between the two of you that you can't work it out, sometimes there are things that are not meant for you to have leaving us to surrender ourselves to FATE....

After my journey back through time, I realized with a smile and a sense of gratefulness the vast experiences I had in Love and Relationships. There was never a second in my life that I regretted meeting them or sharing a part of my life with them for because of them and what they have taught me, I am the person I am today. A strong person open to any type of possibilities, a person who knows how to find joy in simple things and a person who can still find happiness in unconventional ways.

So, Joey, if what you said may come true, I know we are strong enough to accept that possibility. I know we can still find joy in a simple life devoid of emotional responsibilities and most of all, I know we can still find happiness in our SINGLEBLESSEDNESS.

Postscript

Guy Letter F - current age is 31. Last I heard, he moved to another city and settled there.

Guy Letter D - current age is 33. Last I heard, he is in Manila pursuing his future.

Guy Letter K - current age is 28. Last I heard, he is still with his childhood sweetheart.

Guy Letter E - current age 29. Last I heard, he migrated to Australia and got married.

Guy Letter M - current age 30. Last I heard, after more than 3 years of waiting he finally moved on with his life when he saw me in the hands of a better man.

Guy Letter A - current age is 28. Last I heard he is enjoying in his work and his mom is undergoing treatment with big hopes.